its been weeks since i became feeling dipressed at all and i have'nt notice that im wasted my time trying to move on and yet i can't... its been the 6 week of hurting my self last august 1... and i just to make my self more and more worst than ever... until.... i try to contact her the morning of august 2 around 1am... she ask me who am i... a bit hurt but i have to ask her about something that the final conclusion of my terrible process of moving on... having the long conversation that took hours via sms messaging... i made this conclusion...
she's just pushing me away from her... and having this noticed i even cut my self again... what can i do i just can accept that fact... she always asking that time what do i want her to do... does she even think of it??? shes the one i only adores... and i can accept the fact that she will be gone... i have to move on but still i was in his world locked down there... she always saying that i dont deserve her making things more complicated... why it should be like that... it is more better if she says that she dont even like me from the first place... for a guy who really gave up everything for the girl lady or women she loved the most... taking risk and even making sacrifices would be enough just to be with her... i've actually done it several times even though she did'nt noticed it... and one thing more... i cant moved on... why?? its just i've been built a good relatoinship with her mom that which always give me my strength.. i wish before she leaves and left the country.. we will have a good conversation that can even make this relationship of friendship more often... even though its hurting me more and more because i really do love her daughter and yet... damn i cant do anything right just to think of the things i should do just to make my self feel ok.... damn i hate whats really happening and im not happy of this concluson....
looking forward i want to make up more things that could pleased me and even make me more human... after the deepest cut i made that i call the tears of blood... yup im screaming that time deep inside and saying that i lover her so.... i need her... i miss her... i cried even it not really the right thing to do... i just keep my self in pain... i almost felt asleep but still i cant sleep... damn i hate everything happen but i think its the right choice...
back to the conversation... she even said that she know how that i was hurt... and she even said that its not easy to her knowing that there is someone like me who ruin his life just because of loving her... maybe i just carry this thing until i move on.. i need some right now... just to be heard... i need some to talk to... but i cant open this kind of thing in my family... i just need a friend that would listen to my nonsense arguments... (sigh) i want her... but i cant have her.... im desperate but still i cant get her... am i pathetic?? maybe...
i wish by the time im prepared that i can moved on... i can forget about her... i wish that i can make things more easy... and even make me more stronger... damn me... because of her i just been like this... i know really know theres nothing more i can do... help me.... i cant even take this anymore... i still love her even loving her is hurting me more and more... what can i say i just loved someone who i assumed can love me too because she showed that thing... damn me... damn!!!!
i think time will pass... and i can find a new one... i think.... but how can i found the new one.. if my mind and heart screaming out only her name.... since i felt this i knew i thought this lead to a happy ending... it was just my thought...
i hope i can move on...
rekkusu its just a one of the big trials in your life...
rekkusu face your fears....
rekkusu everything will be fine...
THANKS for reading....
rekkusu...
rekkusu brace your self... its now or never... its a choice of letting go... and you can do it... i trust you... i've seen you smiling even knowing that you're just faking it... rekkusu your not a kid... maybe you're childish... but you can do this... its now or never... maybe new cuts will be made but still you have to move on......
she's just pushing me away from her... and having this noticed i even cut my self again... what can i do i just can accept that fact... she always asking that time what do i want her to do... does she even think of it??? shes the one i only adores... and i can accept the fact that she will be gone... i have to move on but still i was in his world locked down there... she always saying that i dont deserve her making things more complicated... why it should be like that... it is more better if she says that she dont even like me from the first place... for a guy who really gave up everything for the girl lady or women she loved the most... taking risk and even making sacrifices would be enough just to be with her... i've actually done it several times even though she did'nt noticed it... and one thing more... i cant moved on... why?? its just i've been built a good relatoinship with her mom that which always give me my strength.. i wish before she leaves and left the country.. we will have a good conversation that can even make this relationship of friendship more often... even though its hurting me more and more because i really do love her daughter and yet... damn i cant do anything right just to think of the things i should do just to make my self feel ok.... damn i hate whats really happening and im not happy of this concluson....
looking forward i want to make up more things that could pleased me and even make me more human... after the deepest cut i made that i call the tears of blood... yup im screaming that time deep inside and saying that i lover her so.... i need her... i miss her... i cried even it not really the right thing to do... i just keep my self in pain... i almost felt asleep but still i cant sleep... damn i hate everything happen but i think its the right choice...
back to the conversation... she even said that she know how that i was hurt... and she even said that its not easy to her knowing that there is someone like me who ruin his life just because of loving her... maybe i just carry this thing until i move on.. i need some right now... just to be heard... i need some to talk to... but i cant open this kind of thing in my family... i just need a friend that would listen to my nonsense arguments... (sigh) i want her... but i cant have her.... im desperate but still i cant get her... am i pathetic?? maybe...
i wish by the time im prepared that i can moved on... i can forget about her... i wish that i can make things more easy... and even make me more stronger... damn me... because of her i just been like this... i know really know theres nothing more i can do... help me.... i cant even take this anymore... i still love her even loving her is hurting me more and more... what can i say i just loved someone who i assumed can love me too because she showed that thing... damn me... damn!!!!
i think time will pass... and i can find a new one... i think.... but how can i found the new one.. if my mind and heart screaming out only her name.... since i felt this i knew i thought this lead to a happy ending... it was just my thought...
i hope i can move on...
rekkusu its just a one of the big trials in your life...
rekkusu face your fears....
rekkusu everything will be fine...
THANKS for reading....
rekkusu...
rekkusu brace your self... its now or never... its a choice of letting go... and you can do it... i trust you... i've seen you smiling even knowing that you're just faking it... rekkusu your not a kid... maybe you're childish... but you can do this... its now or never... maybe new cuts will be made but still you have to move on......
